Globe & Mail Endorses Commie Trudeau

Another Great Literary Piece By Peter O'Donnell

The sociopath who is truly loyal to the beef marinade will neither admit nor deny artichoke hors d'ouevres

Opinion

Justin Trudeau -- better than nothing

The Mop & Pail is pleased to announce that Wellington Boote-Daley, for many years an occasional correspondent and chief columnist of the Brandon Swill and Fornicator, will now take up the duties of chief mouthpiece for Canadianism at the nation's leading journal of official thought and an approved substitute for logic. Today, Wellington Boote-Daley explains why Canadians must succumb to Trudeaumania one more time before all critical brain functions cease.

Wellington Boote-Daley, 58, is a certified practitioner of Global Warming Containment Therapy, a licensed breeder of bull, and a collector of pictures of the break-up of civilization.

Today, I celebrate the fact that the Mop & Pail have turned to me for sage advice and timely prevarication, by suggesting to the nation that they abandon all critical brain functions and embrace a second round of Trudeaumania.

I know that female voters have missed the opportunity to achieve a mild form of orgasm just thinking about the man they are giving a big fat X, a sort of political game of Xs and Os that many thought would replace conventional marriage in the 1970s.

Since the death or at least repulsive aging of Pierre Trudeau, Canadian women and gay male voters, as well as really stupid men without working brain functions, have had only such role models as Jean Chretien and Paul Martin to vote for. Now, these men were as incompetent and dangerous as P.E.T., but arguably lacked his charisma and sexual prowess with women voters.

Thus it was that Canadians turned, reluctantly, to Stephen Harper, who claimed to be a conservative, something that many Canadians had read about in books and their weekend newspapers, without necessarily understanding what it meant.

But now there is another Trudeau on the scene, and man, is he relevant.

He is hip to the jive of global warming, a sort of Gore with More, and very much in tune with the recycling wave, something he probably learned from papa who often recycled his inner circle of friends.

He is as good looking as he is intelligent, and a sensitive man of the modern age, which happens to be a decade without a name, so to speak.

He has swept the public opinion polls and is favoured by 52% to replace Stephane Dion whenever the current leader happens to walk past a dark alley in Montreal. It is no coincidence that 52% of Canadian voters are women. But there are women who probably won't vote for Justin, not because they aren't in a high state of sexual arousal just thinking about how easily he will screw Canada, but because they are grown ups, so their places have to be taken by adoring male voters, like, to be frank, myself, an easily led sort who is just looking for a new political messiah to put the west in their place (poverty, basically).

Here in Ontario, where I breed bulls and prance about like a ballet dancer on drugs, we are frankly sick and tired of the west always whining about how they want to have a democracy and free enterprise, all those American things that Mop and Pail readers know are dangerous for Canadianism here in Canadia where Canadians live and vote.

Stephen Harper threatened to change the very foundation of our nation, until he was told by some friend of Brian Mulroney to fughedaboudit, but who cares, he isn't the sort of Canadian that Canadians could Canadianize in their Canadianess.

For all of those reasons, if you don't mind me using the word reason in this context, you should surrender your will to Justin Trudeau. Just because he's an immature commie twerp doesn't mean he won't lead this country into a new era of Canadian Canadianess that will out-Canadian even what his Canadian canoe-paddling father Canadianized in the halcyon days of pre-modern Canadiana.

A maple leaf just floated down and hit me on the head. Seems kind of fitting somehow, I plan to roll a big doobie and think of how wonderful communism has been since Trudeau brought it in and called it the just society.

Just society my ass, but that's just the sort of little secret that we don't share with the robots here at the Mop & Pail.